How Dale Jr. Got the Bird: A One-Act Play

Thanksgiving with the Hendricks
Or
How Dale Jr. Got the Bird

Opening scene: It’s Thanksgiving day at the home of Rick Hendrick. There are two tables set for dinner. The adult table has places for Rick Hendrick, Jimmie Johnson, his wife Chandra, Jeff Gordon, his wife Ingrid, Mark Martin and his wife Arlene. The kids tables has three seats, one for Matt, Mark’s son, Ella, Jeff’s daughter, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. Everyone is seated except for Dale Jr. who hasn’t arrived yet.

Rick: Everything looks great. What did everyone bring?

Jeff: I wanted to put together this great cranberry relish recipe I found, but it looked a little too fattening to Ingrid. You have to add so much sugar to cranberries to make them taste good.

Rick: No cranberries, then?

Jeff: Nope. We were looking for something healthy and easy to make. I can’t believe NASCAR has us racing until the middle of November. We’re not machines. It doesn’t give us any time to put together something nice for Thanksgiving.

Rick: So what did you make?

Jeff: Celery sticks. And carrot sticks.

Rick: Oh! Well, that’s nice. Definitely easy.

Jeff: And nutritious. You know, you actually burn more calories chewing celery than the actual calories in the celery. At least that’s what Ingrid told me.

Rick: That’s good to know. How about you, Mark? What did you bring?

Mark: Pies. Lots of pies.

Rick: Ooooh! I love pumpkin pie.

Mark: I didn’t bring pumpkin. I brought a custard pie.

Rick: Custard? That’s nice.

Mark: I also brought an apple pie, a cherry pie and a sweet potato pie.

Rick: But no pumpkin?

Mark: Everyone loves pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving. But you know what? Custard is good too. It might be the second favorite pie for Thanksgiving, but it doesn’t mean it’s not good. Just because it’s second-best doesn’t mean people hate it.

Rick: If anything, custard pie is the second-best Thanksgiving pie.

Mark: That’s right. Nothing wrong with being No. 2. For some people, custard pie is No. 1. I like custard pie. I like it better than pumpkin pie. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

Rick: Yes, Mark, you’re probably not the only one.

(Ding-dong! The doorbell rings. Rick gets up from the table to answer the door.)

Rick: Hi Dale. Glad you could join us.

Dale: Sorry for being late. I got held up shooting an Amp Energy drink commercial.

Jimmie: You’d think by now you’d get tired of coming in last.

Dale: I was never last.

Jimmie: Oh, that’s right. You were 25th. It went one (pointing at himself), two (pointing at Mark), three (pointing to Jeff), 25 (pointing to Dale). How was the view from there?

Rick: That’s enough. Did you bring anything for dinner, Dale?

Dale: I was supposed to bring something? Nobody told me.

Rick: Don’t worry about it, Dale. There’s plenty for everyone. Besides, it’s not the first time you haven’t brought anything to the table.

Dale: Where do I sit?

Rick: At the kids table.

Dale: The kids table? I’m not sitting there.

Rick: At this point, you’re lucky to have a seat in my house. Maybe next year we can find a better place for you.

(Dale Jr. reluctantly takes his seat at the kids table. Rick returns to his seat at the adult table.)

Rick: So what about you Jimmie? What did you bring?

Jimmie: Mashed potatoes.

Rick: Spicy mashed potatoes? With little jalapenos in them? I love peppers. I hear that’s how they make them down where you grew up.

Jimmie: No. No jalapenos.

Rick: Garlic mashed potatoes? With little pieces of the peel left in? Those are good too.

Jimmie: No. No garlic. Just mashed potatoes.

Rick: How ‘bout gravy? Did you make some gravy? Turkey gravy? Or maybe mushroom gravy? I love gravy.

Jimmie: No gravy. Just mashed potatoes. Plain, white mashed potatoes.

Rick: Well, ummmm, that’s nice.

Jimmie: And look, they’re in the biggest bowl on the table.

Rick: Yes, that’s a lot of mashed potatoes. A lot of flavorless, boring mashed potatoes.

Jimmie: What?

Rick: Nothing. They look great. Everything looks great. Let’s cut the turkey. Dale, would you please come here and do the honors? Everyone, we had a great year. Jimmie’s fourth Cup championship in a row was awesome. We finished 1-2-3, the first team to ever do that in the history of NASCAR. Next year, we’ll have Dale Jr. in the mix. Until then, let’s enjoy Thanksgiving and our time together. Dale, it’s a shame you weren’t in the Chase this year. That shouldn’t happen. We can make you better. It’s going to be better next year. For now, Dale, the best I can do for you is let you have first crack at the turkey. This bird’s for you.

(The scene closes with Dale Jr. cutting the turkey and Rick handing out plates to everyone at the table. Jeff makes a plate for Ella and Matt walks over to stand next to Dale Jr. as he cuts the turkey. Everyone is happy, except for Dale Jr., who sheepishly grins while cutting slice after slice of turkey.)

Chase tightens, but too little, too late

Like a twister in a trailer park, the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series race at Texas Motor Speedway proved to be a disaster for Jimmie Johnson.
But don’t worry if Johnson and his team will recover. They will. By the end of the month, they will have another Cup championship.
Johnson saw his lead in the Cup standings trimmed to 73 points and all of sudden there’s intrigue in the Chase. At least that's what NASCAR and some writers would like you to believe. Seventy-three points is still a huge lead with two races remaining.
Mark Martin is the driver in second place in the Cup standings, 73 points out of the lead. No one is more deserving than Martin to win a Cup championship. But it looks like the four-time runner-up is going to come up short for a fifth time.
As for Johnson, he was collected in a crash caused by Sam Hornish on the third lap of the race at Texas. He ended up in 38th place. Martin came in fourth, the biggest benefactor of Johnson’s misfortune, and cut into Johnson’s lead.
“You know it’s still a respectable lead. Seventy-three with two to go is still a good position to be in. I hate that we gave up all these points tonight,” Johnson said after the race on Sunday. “Sam just lost it inside of me and I wish he would have waited a little longer to lose it. I saw he lost it later on in the race and he can do that from time to time. I just wish he would have waited a little while longer and didn’t take me out in the process. It was just one of those things. There’s not much we can do about it. We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Kurt Busch won the race at Texas and moved up two places in the Cup standings. He is in fourth place, showing how insignificant winning a race means at this point in the season.
Not that Busch should be rewarded any more for winning one race when Johnson has won three in the Chase. But even with the win, Busch needs a lot more help to climb in the Cup standings before the season-finale at Homestead-Miami Speedway.
“It’s very competitive, no matter who is in the lead, who is behind trying to gather points,” Busch said. “We hope it always goes to Homestead and there’s five, six guys eligible, like the first year, 2004.
“Jimmie Johnson, they’ve won an incredible amount during this Chase. A couple years ago we thought the Chase format needed adjusting, so we gave more points to race wins. Now he’s so far ahead, we’re thinking we have to adjust it again. We can’t keep doing that. They’re that good. For them to stumble today puts everyone back in the picture, within a reasonable amount.”
Not really. Making up 73 points, or in Busch’s case, 171 points, is unreasonable. Johnson would have to have another poor race, which more than likely isn’t going to happen, and Martin, or Jeff Gordon or Tony Stewart, would have to have two spectacular races. The way things have gone this year, it is unlikely any of that will happen in Phoenix or Miami.
Johnson even said he feels fortunate he built up such a huge lead early in the Chase so he could afford to have a bad race.
“It was definitely not the day we wanted,” Johnson said. “We did not want to lose points like that. Luckily we had a big margin. We’re going to two great tracks for us here and we’ll just keep racing. We’ve been saying all along that anything can happen, I just wish that Sam could have waited a little while longer before he hit something. Instead, he lost it and hit me and off we went.”

Photo: At top, Chad Knaus, crew chief for Jimmie Johnson, driver of the No. 48 Lowe's Chevrolet, pushes the car into the garage after Johnson was involved in an incident on the third lap with Sam Hornish Jr., driver of the No. 77 AAA Dodge, during Sunday's NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Dickies 500 at Texas Motor Speedway. Johnson returned to the race on lap 115. Hornish went back on track, but later hit the wall to bring out the caution again, ending his day. (Photo Credit: Rusty Jarrett/Getty Images for NASCAR)

At bottom, Kurt Busch, driver of the No. 2 Miller Lite Dodge, celebrates by performing a burnout, followed by a reverse lap with the checkered flag after winning the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Dickies 500 at Texas Motor Speedway on Sunday in Fort Worth, Texas. This is the first win at Texas Motor Speedway for Busch, who outran -- and out-gassed -- his brother Kyle Busch, driver of the No. 18 M&M's Toyota. Busch gained two positions in the Chase for the Sprint Cup to fourth, 171 points behind points leader Jimmie Johnson. (Photo Credit: Geoff Burke/Getty Images for NASCAR)

Auto Club Speedway essentials

Auto Club Speedway in Fontana is hosting its first Chase for the Sprint Cup race. This is race No. 4 of the 10-race playoff. After three races, Mark Martin leads the Chase standings, with three-time reigning Cup champion Jimmie Johnson 18 points behind in second.
Johnson pretty much dominated this race last year. He won the pole and the race. The difference is, because Fontana is in the Chase, the race is in October, not Labor Day weekend. It will be much cooler, and consequently much faster than last year's race.
Weather cooperating, the track should yield some favorable conditions for drivers and crew. In talking to some of the drivers, they are especially looking forward to racing in Fontana without 117 degree temperatures. Surely the fans will appreciate not having to bake in the sun for three or four hours.
Here are some record speeds and times that might fall this weekend:
Brian Vickers holds the qualifying record at Fontana. He recorded a lap at 187.417 mph to win the pole in 2004.
Kasey Kahne holds the race record. He had an average speed of 144.462 mph and won the race in 2006 in 3 hours, 36 minutes and 3 seconds.
Denny Hamlin holds the Nationwide Series qualifying record at Fontana. He won the pole at 180.316 mph in 2007.
Greg Biffle won the Nationwide Series race in 2004 with a record average speed of 138.978 mph and in 2 hours, 9 minutes, 31 seconds.

Photo: Mark Martin (5) leads the Chase for the Sprint Cup standings after three races. He has an 18-point lead over Jimmie Johnson, who won last year's race at Auto Club Speedway in Fontana, site of Sunday's race. (Photo Credit: Geoff Burke/Getty Images for NASCAR)

Mark Martin on Joey Logano

Apparently word of Joey Logano's exciting finish in the Toyota All-Star Showdown in Irwindale made it all the way to Daytona. At least within earshot of Mark Martin.
Martin, a NASCAR veteran who will be racing full-time for the first time in three years in the Sprint Cup Series, was asked about Logano and his daring attempt to win the Showdown for the second straight time.
To refresh, Logano was passed for the lead on the final lap of the race, but he slapped the turn 4 wall, cut down on the nose of race leader Peyton Sellers and crossed the finish line in first place. But NASCAR officials at the track deemed Logano's move unfair and dangerous. Logano was the first driver to cross the finish line, but he ended up in 40th and last-place after NASCAR penalized him for his last lap pass.

“I don’t get involved in judging NASCAR’s -- the move he (Joey Logano) made appeared to be called for and just based on what had happened to him five laps earlier, if that’s what you’re asking and you want my opinion,” Martin said in an interview Thursday from Daytona International Speedway, site of the season-opening Daytona 500.

Martin was also asked if he has given Logano any advice. Logano will be racing for Joe Gibbs Racing in the No. 20 Toyota in the Sprint Cup Series in 2009.
“He’s gotten a lot of advice from me already and I’m very proud of him," said Martin, who will be driving the No. 5 Chevrolet for Hendrick Motorsports. "My biggest concern for him was -- I’m certain that he will be a Cup champion -- so my biggest concern was for him to stay humble because when you’re as good as he is it’s not always easy. He appears to be hanging on to that fairly well. I was very proud of him in his recent interviews. He appeared to be humble and that’s not always easy."